A free associating writing/photo blog based on my observations and experiences in Manhattan and while abroad. I am a Photographer/filmaker born, raised and currently living in Manhattan. I am writing this mainly for myself but welcome readership so welcome!!!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Troubling Times
Tuesday, October 07, 2008 1:53am
What is going on with our economy? How is it that a few people have somehow stolen our Nations wealth and after stealing it has the audacity to have the tax payers pay for their theft. The mega corporations, the mega banks and the current Bush regime has moved our money off shore and transferred our dollars into Euros. They also gave our money in form of loans from China to buy oil from the Saudis. This all with out mentioning the war in Iraq and the cost to us nearing a trillion dollars. This is a war costing the US ten billion dollars a month and we wonder why our economy is going under?
I heard now a story of a ninety year old woman who could not pay her mortgage to fannie mae and fannie mae insisted she give up her home so this woman shot herself in the chest and nearly died. Fortunately, she lives and they are pushing to let her return to her home from the hospital. What kind of nation forces a ninety year old woman from her home?
This is McCain/Palin's America one which every man and woman must fend for themselves as those who predate on them are rewarded. This is the Republican party that prides itself on it's meaness, on being intolerant, hateful, deceitful that has strengthened their own bank accounts at the expense of the American nation.
It sickens me to see these right wing lemmins these morons of Americans who find Palin cute and will not take responsibilty for the diaster they created. These Americans are in short un-American. They harm the United States with their poor judgement and ignorance.
I fear that they will attempt to steal this election as they did in 2000 and 2000. We must be vigilant of this. We must not let this happen. The world's survival depends on this election. If Obama loses everything will get worse. We might even face a Nuclear holocaust with Iran. These are important times and we must be strong and fight these lunatic Republicans for the benefit of the whole planet and humanity.
I just deleted over hundred people from myspace and facebook. I am sad about this. Many of these people I have invited to my house, knew as a child, been to their parties, they have been to my parties, and others I barely knew or never even met. I was not planning to do this. My plan was to give notice and let people have a chance to redeem themselves as friends. However, why should I give an ultimatum to people to be my friend? If they wanted to actively be my friend they would. Some routinely flaked on plans, others did not return phone calls and others were not in touch with me at all. That is fine and their right.
Recently, my Mother has been in the hospital for the past two weeks and she went there initially because of internal bleeding and fractures in her spine which caused her extreme pain to the point of being unable to move. While in the hospital and on the 4th of July she had a heart major attack and needed to be shocked to save her life. She is stable now but the final prognosis is still unknown,the bleeding continues, and her colon is enlarged which might mean cancer. Her condition is life threatening and it unsure what will occur?
Needless to say this has caused much distress and these past weeks have been trying. I have not before now announced this and I do not expect people to be telepathic and/or clairvoyant. Many of those close to me like my girlfriend, my closest friends have been extremely supportive. Others who do know have not even called to inquire what is her condition or to ask me if I am ok. Many of my (former) so called friends of mine do not even know and they do not know this because they do not make an effort to stay in touch with me. Some have not recently returned my phone calls or responded to my emails. I'd like to say I do not care but that would be a lie. If those of you do not know this about me, I am a sensitive person and friendship/loyalty are very important. I am not blaming anyone who does not know or has not called me. I do not have that kind of history with everyone I know and if you are reading this than I do not have any bad feelings towards you. There are others though who I have decided to write off. I think this situation has helped me see who my friends are and who my friends are not.
I am tired of people making plans and cancelling last moment, or not even cancelling them but just vanishing the day those plans were made. I am in no need for virtual friends or friends who do not care to know me, see me, talk to me and these friends in one fell swoop are no longer a part of my life. I purged facebook, now myspace, soon my phone and it will be the same in person. I am not bitter, I am admittedly hurt, a little angry perhaps, definitely disappointed but I feel good (as much as one can ridding oneself of dozens of people once considered to be friends) because I know that this is the right thing to do.
Some of those I deleted did nothing grievous to me, I expected nothing from them, they offered me nothing they were just faces on my profile or people that added me that I once went to school with or met somewhere. I mean them no offense I just did not see the point anymore of hearing about them or looking at their pictures when we do not even talk, have no intention of meeting and never did. Those are the innocent.
The guilty are those who do know me and did not match efforts to be friends, or flaked on plans routinely, did not hear from for long periods, did not return my calls or emails and so on. I doubt I will miss either category. If I am important to them and I offended them by deleting them and they care enough they will let me know and make an effort. IF not than it is no loss. I have never, ever had a problem meeting people anywhere, any place or any time. It was one of my gifts but I cannot force people to be my friend for real and act such.
I am with a heavy heart. When ones Mother is ill and this hits you, it puts things into perspective. From this perspective I want people in my life that care about me and want my company. I would rather face things alone than look for people and feel even lonelier. Those who have been there for me I thank them and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
It's the fourth of July and we are celebrating our independance. I might wonder if we would not be better off under British rule these days?
However, we are independant and the last seven years I have been ashamed of this nation. Do not get me wrong, I love my country, I love the people and what in theory the US is to stand for. Unfortunately, this nation is run by a moronic tyrant and more so by the .05% who control 99% of our nation's wealth. This is intolerable, it is immoral and it must end. I call on all Americans to stand up to the injustices that are occuring all around us. We have the potential to be "a light unto nations" and spread Democracy, peace, and well being to the rest of the world. Instead we are a dark, stormy cloud that brings misery, war, hunger,greed and promotes the basest of human values. We have become a greedy, spoiled, indulgent nation. This is not the US of A I love or was taught about as a child. This is a faux US. This US is a fraud and we are not a fraudlent people, we just have been misled by fraudulent leaders. We have allowed them to run things while it is up to us (all of us) to get involved and change things. ENOUGH is ENOUGH! Stand strong Americans, be proud, fight for our rights, stop feeding the consumerism monster, stop the destruction of our planet, and stop waiting for others to take responsibility to do what is right. Stop remaining passive, indifferent, selfish and mindless! We are the people, for the people and by the people. WE! You and ME! US as in U.S! I will not rest until I see the America reach it's potential. I want to restore the vision this nation was founded on. Restore the truth and end the lies. I want us to be the US of A we meant it to be and not the exclusive playground of the .05% rich who seem to own everything under the sun and think it is their right to do so.
Be proud, be strong, be American but more importantly be a kind, conscientious American. I love you all and I am proud to be a TRUE American.
Bush and his ilk are traitors to this nation and the American people.
I am not a particularly religous person. I sin daily. I am Jewish but not a good Jew. However, I do believe in G-d. I believe I am insignificant in the universe and that I am a mere spark, an insect or even less compared to the grandeur of the universe. I was just outside in nature. I felt the dew on my skin, the wet grass on my bare feet, and the darkness all around. I could see lightning bugs, and hear strange sounds from the woods and this made me feel so alive. I looked at the darkened sky and prayed. I prayed for my family, for others families and for the world. I asked G-d for strength to do the things I hope to do. I wanted to sleep outside but instead eventually went inside. However, the feeling I was left with is that there is something powerful that exist in the universe and we can give it any name we like. For this rant I will cal it G-d and I will proclaim that I believe in G-d and that I challenge anyone to prove G-d does not exist. I will not dare to convince anyone differently for let people come to their own conclusions but I know that G-d is good. I believe that in all our cruelty and the cruelty of nature that we are good as well. We must do good. We must feel good. We must fight for good and believe in the goodness of creation. What else is there? What, where, why, when, who? The five Ws. We are the five Ws and when you are fighting for your daily scraps ask yourself: why are you here? who are you? what are you? when are you? and where are you?
Ask those questions and if you cannot answer them than go ask G-d!
I am still awake and it's nearly 6am. I figured it is a good time to tell you of how I stood outside Baruch while Hillary Spoke with a Obama/Clinton sign. I was walking home and saw a bunch of News trucks. I inquired at Baruch College which was teeming with Secret Service agents. Hillary Clinton was going to speak. After seeing it was futile trying to get inside I went home. While home I decided it was silly to hear the speech at home when she was only blocks away. I did not want to go and stand there for no reason. I made a big sign. My sign said: OBAMA ------------- CLINTON Unite for a change 08 It was rather large and colorful.
I had my photo taken by press, I was interviewed by a few different international media outlets, asked to stand in backround while reporters reported to Danish, Spanish, Italian, French news live. I was asked to be in a documentaryabout Millenial Generation and interviewed for Japanese radio. Lots of random people took my photo, and I think secret Service took my photo as well. It was successful that I got to be seen by Hill, Bill and Chelsea who saw my sign. That was the primary point. I wanted to reach out.
I went there not to see Hilary but to be seen by her. On my sign it said "Unite for a Change 08" The point is not me, nor the sign but that I demostrated a message and that it was so simple to have an effect. I was threatened by passerbys, yelled at, cheered, I got the thumbs up by many and my photo taken by many people to end up where I do not know. People engaged me on the street and it was more often than not a positive exchange. It felt truly democratic to talk to people on the streets. I even heard if from Mccain supporters. We all can make a sign and go out. You can write anything you want. I made it on a normal computer printer. I printed the letters as big as possible.
SO make your own sign and go out and stand for something (literally)!!!
America is ready for a Black president if you believe it is! Current mood: optimistic
I am not going to accept what I hear from people that the US of A is not ready for a black president. When will the US be ready than? We are ready for it and it is about time. We cannot afford to let ourselves to be held back by fear and ignorance any longer.
Even those who have nothing against a black president are hindering the possibility with their doubts. Yes, I once wondered the same thing but Obama has proven to me that the US is as ready as ever. We have plenty of ignorant racist in this world but I do not believe they are the majority. I refuse to believe in this. We are ready for change!
We must all speak to everyone we meet and tell them "we are ready!!!". We are ready to throw off the yoke of imperialism and take back our Earth from the greedy corporations and the families that own them. They are the problem. Are you a problem or part of the solution? Look in the mirror and ask yourselves this.
Practice random acts of kindness! Today and everyday!!!
I am tired of the media. I am tired of the media. I am tired of the media. I am tired of our government; I am tired of our government. I am tired of our government, I am tired of our society, I am tired of our society, and I am tired of our society. I am saying this over and over like a mantra to remind myself that when I am tired of things I desire to change them. I am not saying that I might affect a change on things but I am saying that I will die/live trying; complacency is not a proper response for myself and dare say for all of us. It does not have to be this way. It does not have to be this way. I want to repeat this to myself and I suggest you all do the same. Its is all "police and thieves" like the Junior Marvin reggae song and I am tired of this and I want myself and others (you) to stand up for what you believe and let us not resign in defeat or accept this unacceptable reality.
I am speaking of the exploitation, the environmental abuses, the lies, the consumerism, the food supply and every other important issue we all know all too well about. Why is it allowed to go on? Why must I witness what is occurring with this election where we are to be distracted by Geraldine Ferraro and Obama’s pastor. I mean we are all struggling, the dollar is shit, people are being killed and dying, our streets are falling apart, the ice caps are melting and we are concerned about Geraldine Ferraro? Are we out of our fucking minds?
Who cares and I have to witness four more years of Republican dominion I will not be a happy sort. It must not come to that but why is it like this? Why does it remain to be like this? They have the guns? We have the numbers! Or so the Doors song goes. I know it is not so easy but we must first believe it can be totally different. I wish so, I hope so, I pray so and I also know so, it can be different and history has showed us that and continues to do so.
If Bush and his co-horts were able to do so much damage in eight years, imagine if we put the same kind of positive work in the next eight years?
Is it truly as impossible as we make it out to be?
I will in my own way continue fighting against the wrong I see in our surroundings and hopefully make some impact for going on like this is too painful. Everyday I hear something that should not be. Something like hearing of hard working immigrant parents being deported while their children are put into foster care or hearing how under the Bush regime Mining is considered a recreational activity on our national parks like biking and hiking. These things are criminal. Why are we allowing it? I appeal to my brothers and sisters all over the world to assist in this. It is not just the US that is engaging in these acts and their war and exploitation everywhere to combat. I do not care what your religion, race, ethnicity, class, nationality, gender is when the earth is being destroyed every day is our differerences that important? Does it matter what we believe in our how much money we have if there is no clean drinking water or air to breathe?
I fear for my unborn children, my unborn grandchildren and everyone else’s. No one gave these few powerful people the right to do as they please at all of our detriment. They stole it. They took it by force. We must teach those who own the majority of our world’s resources to realize that they are in peril as well. They are also humans and money will not mean a damn thing at this rate. We must adopt responsible capitalism and true democracy in the world and stop pretending we already are.
That is enough for now. I was watching Anderson Cooper (who is so gay) rip into Obama regarding his racist pastor who made controversial comments. Yes, I agree that what the Pastor had said is harmful but it was meant to a selective audience. It was meant for Black people’s ears. I think the hardest thing for Princess Cooper on CNN and other people is that Black people (many) feel resentful of how they been treated and are deeply hurt. They do not see things how those might on FOX news or in Middle America. How shocking! Maybe it’s that whole slavery thing? Most Black people feel excluded from America White society and do not feel the United States gives a damn about them. It is not un-American to think that. It is to me sad that so many Black people and other minorities feel this way and more should go to as to why they feel this way. The media goes aha how un-American but instead we should be looking at the divides as to why a popular pastor in Chicago feels the way he does as to many others. Why do people feel that the US is not for it’s people but for the rich and corporate America? There is a truth to it and instead of wondering why Michelles Obama has never felt good in America ask why does a smart, successful American Black woman (or white) feel this way? Ask why I feel this way and people I know. Why do we feel nearly ashamed these days when we travel abroad or why must I see so much poverty when I travel abroad? These are actually important questions to ask and not this other "ya hoo" nonsense. I am tired of the nonsense as well.
The media must be neutralized. The government must be completely reformed. We must stop blindly consuming. We must I dare say live more like certain European nations and have our Nation be for it’s people and not exist here to milk us and keep us down. I am tired of it, I am tired of all of it but I am not going to let me be unhappy or keep me down. I see it every day and every one else sees it (the injustice, the waste). It is the proverbial stupid, fat elephant in the room that everyone ignores. Let us please acknowledge the fucking Elephant first and than tell the damn thing to get out for that fucking Elephant is Republican and they are in our way from progressing. What is an Elephant doing in the room anyway that is in itself kind of silly. Let us not go on everyday ignoring what is going around at the very least keep talking to people especially strangers, blog if you must, donate money or go to a protest but do something. We cannot afford not to and it is up to us as much as it is up to anyone else to do something.
That is all, I wish you all well and thanks for reading this if you got this far.
We must be patient to a degree for some things might need some coaxing.
Aaron rising from the winter and into the eternal spring Current mood: pugnacious
I have learned much about myself these past months. This is the first winter in sometime that I have not gone to travel in warmer lands. This is only one thing that has had an effect on me. There are many. There is one thing that has effected me greatly and that is my environment. There is a new tall building across the way from me and this has changed my physical reality.
This new large, expensive apartment building has blocked all my light and view. I used to have tons of light all day long and great southern exposure and now it is gone. In return I have a large mirrored building in which I can see my own soviet styled Mitchell lama building in it's reflection. The exception is the night where daily new neighbors move in all so intimately and peer at me like I am a specimen at the zoo. I am generally a voyeur and would have imagined that I would enjoy this but this double threat of both the building I live in able to peer into my room and the building across is too much for me. I cannot even casually observe my new and old found neighbors for the clarity and distance so clear and near has made it that I can meet eyes with my near city citizens. Previously all I saw was sky. The sky was gray, it was blue, it had clouds, birds, helicopters and planes but it made me feel that when I came home I had a refuge that was mine. I no longer feel this. I must either close my curtains and kill my beloved plants or be open to the Manhattan at large. I am thinking of tinting my windows.
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This is one thing that effected a bizarre hibernation. I was not prepared for this new reality and in truth how can anyone be prepared for new realities? However, despite my dark moments, my discovery that I am "ADD", my sprained ankle which I passed up a law suit (regrettably) out of some form of morality feeling that it was my fault I hurt myself when indeed their was other fault to account for I knew that I would rise out of it. I knew that lung issues presumably related to my proximity and personal intimate involvement with the Twin Towers and 9/11 have been perhaps nearly killing me that I would prevail from it. I am not one unaware of suffering. I am aware of my own personal suffering, the suffering of those I love, the suffering of the ones around me and the suffering of the earth at large. I am not afraid of suffering. I know that my suffering compared to others so far has been trite. I know that suffering is relative and in the great scheme of things irrelevant to the larger picture. I mean after call can the universe actually suffer? Can G-d suffer? Somehow in my little mind I feel it, they cannot. What is suffering but a perception? Can I even watch the discovery channel, or animal planet with out observing suffering? And have I not learned that regardless of suffering great or small the universe persists. So, my friends, strangers, loved ones that where the universe persists, I and dare I say you all must persist! What choice do we have? Even in our personal hells, our destruction, in our vaporization won't we in some way persist? And if we do not who besides a few people actually will care or notice? Are we not all just statistics or mere mentions on the evening news?
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On that note I must say in my insignificance I feel omnipotent. In that kind of strange Buddhist, dime store philosophical way are we not as important than any sun or star out there? I mean in an insane way if the sun suddenly went who among us would exist to complain about it? Ok. Maybe we are not as important as the sun but in some ways I think we are all an asteroid away from non-existence and even than would the pulverization of the earth have an effect at the Universe at large? Is not G-d, hashem far great and more infinite than any one universe? If those who do not believe in a G-d but in science recognize that in infinity and multiple dimensions and universes that may and most likely exist are far more important and larger than us on earth or this galaxy?
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Onward, despite all this adolescent theorizing and dissecting of personal existential realities there is the feeling that I am feeling better about things. I am even feeling that life is good and that since the flowers are blossoming that I too might as well blossom.
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That is it. That is that blog that I blogged and had not in sometime. That is my daylight savings contribution to my cyber profiled self. If you read this I thank you and feel glad to have shared a bit of my inner workings. If you have not read this than I know that I am as I write it and in the grand scheme of thing than who cares anyway?
sad 
optimistic 
pugnacious 
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