Purging people from my life

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Current mood: sad To my friends and former friends, I just deleted over hundred people from myspace and facebook. I am sad about this. Many of these people I have invited to my house, knew as a child, been to their parties, they have been to my parties, and others I barely knew or never even met. I was not planning to do this. My plan was to give notice and let people have a chance to redeem themselves as friends. However, why should I give an ultimatum to people to be my friend? If they wanted to actively be my friend they would. Some routinely flaked on plans, others did not return phone calls and others were not in touch with me at all. That is fine and their right. Recently, my Mother has been in the hospital for the past two weeks and she went there initially because of internal bleeding and fractures in her spine which caused her extreme pain to the point of being unable to move. While in the hospital and on the 4th of July she had a heart major attack and needed to be shocked to save her life. She is stable now but the final prognosis is still unknown,the bleeding continues, and her colon is enlarged which might mean cancer. Her condition is life threatening and it unsure what will occur? Needless to say this has caused much distress and these past weeks have been trying. I have not before now announced this and I do not expect people to be telepathic and/or clairvoyant. Many of those close to me like my girlfriend, my closest friends have been extremely supportive. Others who do know have not even called to inquire what is her condition or to ask me if I am ok. Many of my (former) so called friends of mine do not even know and they do not know this because they do not make an effort to stay in touch with me. Some have not recently returned my phone calls or responded to my emails. I'd like to say I do not care but that would be a lie. If those of you do not know this about me, I am a sensitive person and friendship/loyalty are very important. I am not blaming anyone who does not know or has not called me. I do not have that kind of history with everyone I know and if you are reading this than I do not have any bad feelings towards you. There are others though who I have decided to write off. I think this situation has helped me see who my friends are and who my friends are not. I am tired of people making plans and cancelling last moment, or not even cancelling them but just vanishing the day those plans were made. I am in no need for virtual friends or friends who do not care to know me, see me, talk to me and these friends in one fell swoop are no longer a part of my life. I purged facebook, now myspace, soon my phone and it will be the same in person. I am not bitter, I am admittedly hurt, a little angry perhaps, definitely disappointed but I feel good (as much as one can ridding oneself of dozens of people once considered to be friends) because I know that this is the right thing to do. Some of those I deleted did nothing grievous to me, I expected nothing from them, they offered me nothing they were just faces on my profile or people that added me that I once went to school with or met somewhere. I mean them no offense I just did not see the point anymore of hearing about them or looking at their pictures when we do not even talk, have no intention of meeting and never did. Those are the innocent. The guilty are those who do know me and did not match efforts to be friends, or flaked on plans routinely, did not hear from for long periods, did not return my calls or emails and so on. I doubt I will miss either category. If I am important to them and I offended them by deleting them and they care enough they will let me know and make an effort. IF not than it is no loss. I have never, ever had a problem meeting people anywhere, any place or any time. It was one of my gifts but I cannot force people to be my friend for real and act such. I am with a heavy heart. When ones Mother is ill and this hits you, it puts things into perspective. From this perspective I want people in my life that care about me and want my company. I would rather face things alone than look for people and feel even lonelier. Those who have been there for me I thank them and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. with respect and sincerity, Aaron Olivo