quick sex
Its been awhile since I wrote a blog. I find the word blog vastly unappealing. Its like blob and log rolled into one. Regardless, I have not had the energy or inspiration to write but now I feel I do. It might not be a very focused entry though. First I must say I have all but sowed my current female friendster crop or did I reap them? I think I reaped them and they were harvested, made into bread, turned into crumbs and now lie under the kitchen table to be swept away. I had some up and downs with women lately. They pursued, I pursued, they rejected, I rejected, I seduced and I was seduced and in the end its all kind of meaningless and dissapointing. What I have learned or rather confirmed is I need to stop moving so fast and having sex with girls so quickly. Its not worth it. Yes, I am a great lover and yes they enjoy intense pleasure but this is purely physical. The emotional side of relationships take time. I am too impetuous, want instant gratification and this leads to having sex with out knowing one another. I am trying to learn the error of my ways. It seems that women need time to feel secure and comfortable with a man for anything meaningful to develop. I do not feel I need as much time to feel so but it must be mutual for it to grow. I often go with my instincts and jump in head first but Iam using the wrong head for entry. I have the capacity to be incredibly loving and affectionate and I make women purr like a pussy chat. Yet, like a cat beind stroked I think they care not what is the source as long as it feels good at the time but after the akward feelings set in. That is when they are like "who is this guy?"
I do not pursue well. I am a poor pursuer. I do not want to pursue and I often know not if a girl past the initial attraction wants me or not. They seem to want me to pursue and I will not. I have plenty of numbers I do not call. I lose track of women I am in contact with or know. I care not what you think of this for I am being honest. I refuse to allow myself to go out a limb unless I am %100 about someone and know I want them. Ladies and gentleman we are too busy playing games with each other and trying to seem elusive that in the end we do just that, we elude each other. If I do not call a girl back or at all its not personal or because I am not interested it is because I am either eluding or was eluded.At times if I am interested I do not want to risk hurt feelings so its easier to let it go. I am sensitive, take things personally and do not want to get hurt. Lately, I prefer to opt for "friends first ". Unfortunately, the attraction gets in the way and than it gets physcial. The solution is not to have sex if I want the emotions to develop. I should not even kiss on the first date. The problem is that I have a scorpio rising and I am very sexual. I can be very, very seductive and in the end seduction is a form of power but does seduction lead to better understanding or just speed things up?
I desire to please women. I want to give them pleasure in the form of affection and orgasms. I am good at this and feel women use me for this at times. They do not want me they want to be petted and come! Its the emotional component I need to work on as to rival the physical mastery I have attained. I need to proceed slower and allow the woman to get to know me more gradually. Of course this in the end will be worse for the woman will fall in love with me, Poor thing. 
Everyday I learn a new thing about myself. I do not want one night stands and mere sex does not intrigue me. I would like to have a real partner ultimately. I want someone to spend "quality" time with,to eat chocolate in bed with, cook for, take walks with, and have long conversation. Ok, and to have intense, hot, sweaty sex with as well but not so fast! sue me I have a romantic side. I am not some womanizing asshole. I love women. I respect them. I feel close to them. I desire them. I want the right one and these random ones that contact me do not seem to be the ones I am looking for but I will keep looking I suppose. I like my freedom but at times I feel very alone.
Friendster, myspace is a poor cure for loneliness. I care not for sifting through the pile of images online to have more dates. I could have ten a week if I cared to. Online romance is like the home shopping club of failed expectations. To sum this up, I need to go slower. Having sex quickly has not meant anything meaningful and in fact I think it harms the fragility of a blossoming relation. On the contrary and in retrospect the two women I was with the longest (a culmination of ten years) I had sex with both of them on the second date with. So, no more having sex on the first date, I am waiting for the second!
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